Couple’s Night at the Warming Center Changes Lives, Particularly Their Own
(View by Nan Kerr-Mueller and Chris Mueller, Jan. 20, 2015)
Nan: Helping people fills my bucket, but for whatever reason the idea of volunteering at a warming center was intimidating to me. Last Friday, Chris and I thought we had plans to go out; it turns out the plans were actually for Saturday and we found ourselves strangely with this free evening and a sitter in place. I checked in on Facebook to see what was going on in Ferndale. There was a post on the Ferndale Forum that talked about the warming shelter and they still needed two people for that night from 7-11 pm.
We arrived shortly before 7 and signed in. The sweet and bubbling Julia showed us around and Chris got a job of security and I was placed in the clothing corner. Julia then told me what she really wanted was for people to just go and talk with the guests and she acknowledged that 
finding common ground is difficult and sometimes awkward but it is important. I set up the clothing corner with several other people who were volunteering for their first time as well. We set out pants, shirts, socks, shoes all into piles by size. The very few undergarments we had in the bags were set out, most of them were used. I had the privileged knee jerk reaction of “donated underwear, really?”, then the guests started to arrive.
Chris: You never know what you are going to experience until you get up and get to it. When Nan mentioned that we were going to volunteer at a local warming shelter for the evening as an option instead of grabbing some dinner and drinks at any of our favorite local establishments I was indifferent. I suppose my initial thoughts were to what I was going to do at the shelter and what kind of experience we were going to have. Was it going to be organized, what was I going to do, would I feel helpful?
Nan and I were met by several volunteers at Renaissance Vine Church in Ferndale and they took the time to welcome us and take us through a tour of the church, presented us our jobs for the evening, and were very helpful in instructing us and showing us how we can be helpful for the evening. Any initials concerns that I had when I arrived were quickly quelled and I was ready to welcome folks to the shelter for the evening.
Nan: They were cold, hungry and tired. Some came by bus and others walked. Some were driven by good Samaritans and others by police officers. The food was being set out to serve and slowly people started coming to the clothing corner. I asked people what they needed. It was suddenly real. A women was thrilled there was still a pair of underwear left, she didn’t even look 
at the size. “Oooh, clean underwear”. Most every person that I had the honor of talking to was clean and well presented, I would have never guessed they had no homes or currently had a garbage bag or suitcase with all of their belongs in it in a locker up stairs.
I slowed down and grew less nervous and made sure to be warmer and really look at people, to ask their names, to be the best human I could muster up. I went to the dinner table armed with my knitting to protect me. Knitting is my safety net and helps with my nerves, it also helps me listen.
Chris: I worked as “security” for the evening, checking in men and women, cataloging their belongings and checking in medications. This took a while as we welcomed over 100 people during the evening. My eyes were open to a few things at the door. Some folks had bags and bags of luggage, bags, backpacks filled with clothes and other items, some folks had next to nothing. 
Even with relatively decent jackets and coats, the people we welcomed were very cold. (we still were not even close to the coldest weather of the last week or so). Also, many of the people we welcomed were dealing with asthma, anxiety, and depression they were explaining to me as I helped log their medication. I also noticed that the people we welcomed were kind and even took the time to instruct me on how to do the job I was given for the evening.
Nan: I am going to change everyone’s names but here are a few of the stories I was given while eating dinner with the guests of the SOWC:
Gloria was a beautiful and stately older woman with shiny white hair, she took an interest in my knitting. Gloria used to own a business where she made tennis clothes. Her husband got sick and the business was let go. After he died… she trailed off and didn’t finish the story and instead 
talked for a while about how much she loved a gabardine fabric and how to pleat it.
Larry wanted to talk to me about Jesus. When he pressed I let him know I didn’t consider myself a Christian. He was shocked and worried for me. He told me he was Christian because then he had a solid reason not to kill anyone. Larry worked on the line at Ford for 12 years. He was laid off and couldn’t find another job. Then his cat died and he told me in heartbreaking detail about how his cat died while sleeping on his chest. He cried and said he felt bad because he knew it was just a cat.
Laudette was a woman, maybe in her late forties. Several men came over to tell her how pretty she looked and she responded to each one with “I take care of myself” and a nod. She and I had
connected earlier at the clothing corner when she was desperate to find a tote bag of some sort. I eventually found a red tote bag which she was ok with but like everyone else she wanted a black bag. Laudette told me she had a house but she came to the warming center to get some “me time”. I don’t know whether this was the truth or not but I couldn’t help but wonder what her home was like if sleeping on the floor of the church was preferable.
During these stories I made hot chocolate for men who were grateful and kind. Aside from Laudette and Gloria most of the woman seemed to defer to a man. If I asked if a woman wanted cocoa a man would say “here’s my coffee” and hand it to her. It was challenging for me to 
gracefully function while realizing that the hierarchy here was a stark and bitter reflection of society and the patriarchal norms. Living on the street clearly has its perils and men are stronger.
Who did I see? what were the demographics like? Lots of middle aged men, half white and half black. There were several older men and a couple of older women. A handful of women, mostly of color and some transgender women. There was a lot of camaraderie and “how have you been” type chatter among the guests. There was very little discord that I saw. People came then ate well put on clean clothes and fell asleep with some nice blankets and a pillow and a mat.
Lights were out before 10. People were asleep already. Chris and I were told we could leave and our jobs were done by 10:40. We left in silence and drove in silence to our sweet, small warm house. We greeted our dog and checked on our kids. I cried a little. We live a life that knows so 
little want, let alone need. I went to my underwear drawer and pulled out a bunch to take to the shelter the next day. All I keep thinking is “what if you didn’t even have access to a clean pair of underwear”. I bought myself some new underwear this week and when I did I also bought some brand new underwear for guests of the SOWC.
Chris: Like Nan, I left feeling very appreciative of the lives we have built for ourselves, and I have a newfound appreciation for opportunities to volunteering with those in need, especially at the South Oakland Warming Centers. I will continue to find opportunities to volunteer and hope that after reading this article you too will find a night to skip your traditional “date night” and wind your way to a warming shelter to share a cup of hot cocoa with those in need.
The small things. A clean pair of underwear and a cup of hot cocoa. I am forever changed.
For a list of warming centers and shelters in Oakland County see: https://oaklandcounty115.com/2015/01/07/warming-centers-through-oakland-county/
For other stories of interest see:
https://oaklandcounty115.com/2015/01/15/interview-with-lucky-video/
https://oaklandcounty115.com/2015/01/02/homeless-man-dies-on-pontiac-porch-former-shelter-organizer-wants-action/
https://oaklandcounty115.com/2015/01/09/warming-center-in-royal-oak-has-high-numbers-several-needs/
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